In a world that views relationships through the lens of personal fulfillment, true transformation begins when we look higher.
More Than a Contract: A Sacred Design
Please remember, our marriage is far more than a contract for personal happiness. It is that, but much more. It is a sacred covenant designed by God to mirror His faithful, lifelong love for you. Your relationship provides a unique opportunity to honor God by reflecting the character of Jesus Christ to your spouse. When couples view their communication as a ministry that reflects Jesus to one another, their relationship is strengthened, and God is glorified.
The Hidden Key to Marital Success
Reflecting Christ’s likeness is the “hidden key” to marital success, but we cannot achieve Christ-likeness on our own. This transformation is a work of the Holy Spirit, who dwells in every believer. When we rely on the Spirit, He produces supernatural fruit—such as “agape” love, patience, kindness, peace, and a “long temper” (Greek “makrothumia” or “longsuffering”) —enabling us to move beyond natural selfishness and extend mercy even in the most difficult circumstances.
Becoming Conduits of Unconditional Grace
The basis for how you treat your spouse is rooted in how God has treated you. God provides an unconditional, personal love that does not depend on your performance or your “deserving” it; instead, He gives us what we need rather than what we deserve. Spouses are called to be conduits of this grace, reflecting God’s love most clearly when their partner least deserves it. This includes the biblical mandate for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and for both partners to submit to one another in love. When there is failure, there must be forgiveness.
An Act of the Will: The Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is required by Scripture and is considered essential for a fulfilling marriage. In the biblical context, to forgive means to cancel a debt, choosing voluntarily not to require payment for past wrongs. It is often an act of the will rather than an emotion. This is what Jesus has done for us.
A powerful example is Holocaust survivor Corrie ten Boom. She stood face to face with a former Nazi guard responsible for immense suffering in the death camp where her sister died. When this man asked her for forgiveness, her heart felt cold, but she prayed, “Lord, I can’t forgive him. Help me.” As she took his hand, the Spirit enabled her to say, “I forgive you, brother, with all my heart.” As Corrie taught for the rest of her life, forgiveness is an act of the will and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.
Rebounding and Moving Forward Together
Finally, God encourages you to rebound and keep moving forward, refusing to allow past failure to produce guilt for sin that God has already forgiven. By tapping into God’s power and walking by the Spirit, you can manifest a character of Christ and build a stronger, more fulfilling home.
By Dr. Arthur K. Robertson, Founder of the Marriage Mirror™
Covenant Application Before Your Important Discussions
Step 1: Share a mutual vow of honor
“Do you pledge to honor the Lord and one another as you look into your marriage mirror? Do you commit to listen with a heart of understanding, to speak with respect, and to respond with love, trusting that the Holy Spirit can make possible even that which seems impossible?”
Respond to one another by saying, “I do.”
Step 2: Affirm each other
Take turns complimenting each other’s positive attributes and behaviors.
Step 3: Join in a prayer of blessing
“Lord, As we prepare for our discussion, we ask for Your peace to fill the room. Help us to speak with honesty and to listen to one another with curiosity. We invite the Holy Spirit to give us ears to hear and the grace to see our blind spots, not as obstacles, but as opportunities for Your transformation. May the words we share be like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for our relationship. Amen.”
Covenant Reflection Exercise
To help these truths take root in your marriage, take a few moments to quietly reflect on these two questions, or discuss them together:
The Temperature Check
In our daily communication, do I tend to respond to my spouse based on the shifting “temperature of my heart,” or am I choosing to act on my will to extend grace?
Canceling the Debt
Is there an area in our relationship where I am treating my spouse through the lens of a performance-based contract rather than a grace-filled covenant?
A Prayer for Reflection
“Lord, give us the courage to be honest with ourselves and gentle with each other. Remind us that our relationship rests on Your unconditional covenant, not our flawed performance. Amen.”
